Roller Derby My New Life

Moving Forward

Pictures say so much.  I have an awesome new camera that I am determined to learn how to use and capture life as it is happening.  These are just a few from Christmas eve and Christmas day of my family.  After a very trying and emotional year I am moving forward.  I have survived the loss of my job, cancer hitting close to home in our family and continued health concerns with my husband…but God has prevailed.

There is always someone who has it worse, lost more or did not survive the year.  Learning to be completely thankful for what I have, has been a life long struggle, but here we are heading into another year with new promises on the horizon and new jobs, better health and oh so many possibilities.

This journey has been been totally awesome with many many more awesome things to come.  Watching your children grow up and their children grow and getting older and older by the minute.  Time waits for no one.

Gramps and I took the 2 oldest grand daughters to see The Nutcracker and I think the adults that went enjoyed it more and than anyone else.  But exposing the children to the Arts is educational and fun.  They will remember this for a long time.

In another week we start up another year of our Roller Derby Team (Yellow Rose Derby Girls).  Now we have the opportunity to try out for All Stars and 3 home teams.  I am super excited to be part of this league and to see the growth and success we are having.  This chapter is slowly coming to its natural conclusion as well.  It has been one hell of a ride!

This me when I first started roller derby and me now…

Roller Derby My New Life

Life’s Milestones

Life is so full of changes, disappointments, challenges, and successes.  My daughter has experienced another of life’s milestones by graduating from college and looking for a job as a Teacher.  She chose a profession that doesn’t pay big in monetary ways but will give her more satisfaction and feeling of accomplishment than she knows yet.  Teachers should be our hero’s along with those who serve our country.  Melissa is both of these.  She served in the Army and stuck it out even when it was hard.  She came back changed in many ways, a lot not so good but she is my hero.

Becoming a teacher was a childhood dream that she finally embraced and has become among many hardships but with the support of her family and friends.  I hope and pray that the parents of this generation learn to appreciate the teachers of our future and support them with honor and respect.

I am so very proud of all my children who have grown up and are learning to become the adults we hope and pray for them.  Regardless of the path they have chosen, it is their path and their life to live.  I just hope that they understand that life will still be full of disappointments and challenges that they will need to work through and overcome.  But, the accomplishments will outweigh these and that is what they need to focus on.

It is impossible to convey just how proud my husband and I are of these young adults.  We take such pleasure in celebrating their successes and will continue to do so for as long as we a part of this world.

Bless all of the teachers, and military for their service and sacrifice.  May they never be forgotten.DSC_0024

Roller Derby My New Life

Life can Suck

I just have to start out by saying that I have been so very blessed and I have an awesome family and friends that are always there for me.  But sometimes things occur that make you feel like life just sucks.

We have had our share of dissappointments, job and health issues and now, after living in our house since 1996 we get flooded.  We are so very lucky that it was an inch of water on our lowest level of a split level house.  The reality of having to suck up the water, clean and throw out endless piles of junk is a daunting task.  Just one more thing on the list of challenges we have faced since September of last year.

It is so petty to complain, and feels childish and not relevant but it is a natural part of human nature.  I allow myself to go through these emotions and anxieties so I can move forward and be thankful for all that I have.  Dealing with an anxiety disorder and bouts of depression, I have learned that it is normal to go through difficult times and that they do not have to destroy you.  Doing this is one of my outlets, that I hope helps others as well as helping me to navigate these trying times.

With so many things happening in this world today and so many people not able to deal with their mental health issues, I feel I have to speak out with my own struggles.  There is so much help out there for anyone who will seek it out.  Everyday brings you a new chance to move forward, to get help and to feel better. For some unfathomable reason we have been taught that asking for help makes you weak and pathetic, but in reality it takes immense strength to recognize you need help and the courage to ask for it. 

How well do you know your closest friends, do you know the struggles they go through or are you only concerned with what you get out of the relationship?  We so easily pass judgement and worry about ourselves so much we forget to have concern for our friends and family.  When was the last time you asked someone if they ok and waited or pressed for the real answer?  When was the last time you shared your struggle with someone that cares?  I know I have failed at this many times and I resolve to be and do better.  What will you do?

My daughter and son in law are going thru a medical crisis and they are doing so well, accepting help because it takes a village to make
it thru a crisis.  I am so very proud of them and their little family.  I am so blessed to be able to help out and just be there for them when needed.  It has helped me overcome some of my own struggles just to see their strength.  I believe I am here to help others and let others help me.  I sincerely hope that this is a help to someone out there that needs it.

God Bless
Kool

Roller Derby My New Life

Faith vs Fear

So very much has happened since my last post.  My family is the single most important thing in my life and we found out that our son-in-law Scott was diagnosed with Germinona. Germinoma is the name for about a dozen types of tumors that arise in the pineal gland area of the brain. Pineal tumor  typically experience a buildup of fluid within the brain, causing headaches, nausea and impaired vision.  He has completed Chemo and will be getting radiation.

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Our daughter, Melinda, has worked hard to keep up with Katelynn (4) and Justin (1), the house, work, going back and forth to the medical center for treatments and has just been a super woman.  This week we got the good news that the tumor has shrunk very small and an end to Chemo.  This family has had undying faith amid the overwhelming fear.

She has had support from amazing family members and friends because it truly takes a village to keep things going when your world has been turned upside down.  Even though we have good news the bills are still coming and even with insurance the cost of the treatments are daunting.  But she and her little family have kept the faith, and moving through the crisis with grace, love and lots of support.

This is not the only medical crisis to come to my family and it is so overwhelming at times to deal with just the daily things, let alone the many Drs, bills and paperwork.  So far this years has been a test of faith and perseverance.  I was laid off, early this year, along with the medical issues in my family and when I did go back to work I felt guilty because I could and I found a job.

I don’t know the reason for the hardships we have endured since this time last year, but I still believe that beyond this will be many good things to come.  It may be in a manner in which we did not expect but, there is still work to be done.  The fear will not overtake us and this too shall pass.

Roller Derby My New Life

The Journey

Today I reflect on the time I had with my Dad who is now in heaven watching over us.  I was so very lucky to have a strong and loving man in my life.  He taught me things that I didn’t even know I had learned until years later.  I was also spoiled and very much loved at the same time.  My children have a strong influence with my husband and I am thankful to have him in my life as well. This journey of life would not be the same without him.

I am so very thankful for everything that I have had in this life and everything that is come.  The journey has been hard at times, we have faced many difficulties and set backs and disappointments but we are still here by the grace of God.  Some of the challenges are hard to accept and can be a daily struggle but I think about my grand children and am so lucky in so many other ways.  My family and my chosen family are the most important thing in my life, all the noise that surrounds us is insignificant and I have learned to focus my attention on the blessings.

We got to see our kids minus one who we hope to be reunited with one day, and the grands.  I live for the look in my husbands eyes when he sees the grandchildren.  It fills my heart with such love and joy.  We spent most of the time tag teaming them and following the toddler around the house that is not toddler proof!  Watching cartoon movies and planning a trip soon to see more family and celebrate some milestone birthdays.

Today we rest and get ready for the week coming up.  Today I remember my dad, celebrate my husband, son in law, brother and all the dads out there doing what they do.

Reflection is part of the journey of life and I love to spend some time doing this, meditating and thanking God for all I have been given.  HAPPY FATHER’S DAY to all!  Be blessed and enjoy your day!

Until next time

Kool

Roller Derby My New Life

Life Changes

Oh where to begin, I worked for the same company for 34 years. That however never mattered when it came down to the company “cutting costs”. I grew up in a time when companies and employees had an actual relationship, loyalty on both sides. Today we live in a world of ever changing jobs.

Now I have the opportunity to look for work, or pursue early retirement. It was unexpected and sudden but just another aspect of the changing economy. A part of me wanted to retire from the company I spent my whole career at but I have had that taken away. Accpeting another major life changing event can be intimidateing and scary but I am ready to embrace this new challenge, and see where things go from here.

Taking some time to look at where I am and where I want to go is a luxery that I have not been able to do. I was embracing change at work all the time, but this is very different. Not having a routine and trying to figure out a routine that I want to establish is challenging. So much of my time was dictated by my job and the hours I worked, now I have all this time and not a clue what to do with it.

I am so fortunate to have a good package that allows me to take my time and look at different things that I can pursue. Thankfully, I still have 2 jobs to keep up with for my Roller Derby Team which does help me schedule my time. And I admit that I have had trouble with motivation, from a bit of depression and missing the people I worked with and just plain missing the routine of going to work every day.

I am doing a lot of thinking, reflecting and meditating. I have skills and I am still very capable of contributing and I like the money I make, but I also want to enjoy my grand children. Help out my children and husband and maybe do something I never thought of doing before. How cool would that be, something new and scary. Being an accountant by trade, I am ultra concervative and taking chances and risk are totally foriegn to me so that will take some thought and overcoming fear of failure and success.

I sort of knew this would be like going through the stages of grief but it was surprising to me how much it felt like grieving. Loosing my father in law and my dad were the closest people to me and this has been almost as difficult. I honestly don’t miss the work, I am more agitated that the decision was not mine to make. Not taking it personal is the hardest thing I have had to accept. It is almost like I need someone to blame, not an entitiy or circumstances or the economy. It is disconcerting to realize that you are totally replaceable.

I have also been on the other side of these circumstances. I have survived countless layoffs over all the years that I have worked so I am thankful that it came at time when it is not hardship and I can still pay my bills. In the end all will be provided for and that is not a worry so, my short term goal is to embrace the time off, do things I said I would do if I didn’t have to work and live life to the fullest!!

Peace Out!
Kool

Roller Derby My New Life

Disappointment

Disappointments are a fact of life.  You will have them, everyone has them, everyone hates them.  So what do you do about them?  I am reminded of this watching my Granddaughter Katelynn, navigate her way through seemingly constant disappointments.  Everything from not getting the food she wanted to Nana and Gramps leaving, to being told no for good reasons.  Some of us can shake them off, learn from them and move forward.  Others, throw fits, get down on themselves and get stuck in rut.  Which of these are you?  Be honest.  I am throw a fit, hate the world and everyone in it kind.  At least I was most of my life.

Becoming an adult and having to do adult things really sucked, but I was determined to be self sufficient.  I had to learn how to deal the disappointments of life.  However, because I hated so much to be disappointed, it stopped me from doing things or pursuing things that I otherwise may have succeeded at.  When I finally got to the root of this it all came down to fear.  I was afraid of succeeding as much as failing maybe more so.

At least as a grandmother, I can hopefully help my grandchildren navigate this aspect of life better than I did, although Gramps is the best at it and he knows how to do that.  As for me, sadly Roller Derby taught me more about this than I was willing to learn through other experiences in life.  But, I am so very glad that I did figure it out and in the process found something that I am completely passionate about.  I love to put my knowledge and learning out there for others to learn from and to be a part of something that I never thought I would be.

To explain this, at the age of 5 I lost the hearing in my left ear.  I do not currently remember what it was like to hear with both ears, but I do know how much I do not hear give this handicap.  In school when I tried to play sports, I could not hear the players, coaches or anyone trying to give me instruction during the heat of the game.  The background noise would drown out any voices to the point that I only heard a bunch of garbled noise.  Needless to say, I did not do well at any sport I tried.  I was not be able to find a way to compensate for my hearing loss, and therefore I stopped trying to play sports.

This was also a time when girls were not encouraged to play competitive sports, unless it was tennis or something like that, so I had noone to encourage me to keep trying and find a way around the handicap.  So this became my excuse for not participating.  It was a difficult thing to deal with as a young child and as an adult. (Imagine large meetings and trying to hear everyone on the wrong side of me talk).

I did eventually learn to tell people about my hearing difficulty and unlike in schoool most are genuinely willing to accomodate this problem. I never realized that it could be this way. I was afraid of being ridiculed or made fun of or laughed at. The type of damage I have cannot be helped by hearing aids, so it was up to me to figure out how to best deal with this. I have learned much and I greatly appreciate the Refs in Roller Derby that make sure I see them when I have a penalty and are totally not judgemental. It is better to let someone know then to pretend. Remember you are always who you are and it is ok to be who you are!!

Lots of derby love and hip checks to all!