Disappointment

Disappointments are a fact of life.  You will have them, everyone has them, everyone hates them.  So what do you do about them?  I am reminded of this watching my Granddaughter Katelynn, navigate her way through seemingly constant disappointments.  Everything from not getting the food she wanted to Nana and Gramps leaving, to being told no for good reasons.  Some of us can shake them off, learn from them and move forward.  Others, throw fits, get down on themselves and get stuck in rut.  Which of these are you?  Be honest.  I am throw a fit, hate the world and everyone in it kind.  At least I was most of my life.

Becoming an adult and having to do adult things really sucked, but I was determined to be self sufficient.  I had to learn how to deal the disappointments of life.  However, because I hated so much to be disappointed, it stopped me from doing things or pursuing things that I otherwise may have succeeded at.  When I finally got to the root of this it all came down to fear.  I was afraid of succeeding as much as failing maybe more so.

At least as a grandmother, I can hopefully help my grandchildren navigate this aspect of life better than I did, although Gramps is the best at it and he knows how to do that.  As for me, sadly Roller Derby taught me more about this than I was willing to learn through other experiences in life.  But, I am so very glad that I did figure it out and in the process found something that I am completely passionate about.  I love to put my knowledge and learning out there for others to learn from and to be a part of something that I never thought I would be.

To explain this, at the age of 5 I lost the hearing in my left ear.  I do not currently remember what it was like to hear with both ears, but I do know how much I do not hear give this handicap.  In school when I tried to play sports, I could not hear the players, coaches or anyone trying to give me instruction during the heat of the game.  The background noise would drown out any voices to the point that I only heard a bunch of garbled noise.  Needless to say, I did not do well at any sport I tried.  I was not be able to find a way to compensate for my hearing loss, and therefore I stopped trying to play sports.

This was also a time when girls were not encouraged to play competitive sports, unless it was tennis or something like that, so I had noone to encourage me to keep trying and find a way around the handicap.  So this became my excuse for not participating.  It was a difficult thing to deal with as a young child and as an adult. (Imagine large meetings and trying to hear everyone on the wrong side of me talk).

I did eventually learn to tell people about my hearing difficulty and unlike in schoool most are genuinely willing to accomodate this problem. I never realized that it could be this way. I was afraid of being ridiculed or made fun of or laughed at. The type of damage I have cannot be helped by hearing aids, so it was up to me to figure out how to best deal with this. I have learned much and I greatly appreciate the Refs in Roller Derby that make sure I see them when I have a penalty and are totally not judgemental. It is better to let someone know then to pretend. Remember you are always who you are and it is ok to be who you are!!

Lots of derby love and hip checks to all!