Month: March 2015

Oh where to begin, I worked for the same company for 34 years. That however never mattered when it came down to the company “cutting costs”. I grew up in a time when companies and employees had an actual relationship, loyalty on both sides. Today we live in a world of ever changing jobs.

Now I have the opportunity to look for work, or pursue early retirement. It was unexpected and sudden but just another aspect of the changing economy. A part of me wanted to retire from the company I spent my whole career at but I have had that taken away. Accpeting another major life changing event can be intimidateing and scary but I am ready to embrace this new challenge, and see where things go from here.

Taking some time to look at where I am and where I want to go is a luxery that I have not been able to do. I was embracing change at work all the time, but this is very different. Not having a routine and trying to figure out a routine that I want to establish is challenging. So much of my time was dictated by my job and the hours I worked, now I have all this time and not a clue what to do with it.

I am so fortunate to have a good package that allows me to take my time and look at different things that I can pursue. Thankfully, I still have 2 jobs to keep up with for my Roller Derby Team which does help me schedule my time. And I admit that I have had trouble with motivation, from a bit of depression and missing the people I worked with and just plain missing the routine of going to work every day.

I am doing a lot of thinking, reflecting and meditating. I have skills and I am still very capable of contributing and I like the money I make, but I also want to enjoy my grand children. Help out my children and husband and maybe do something I never thought of doing before. How cool would that be, something new and scary. Being an accountant by trade, I am ultra concervative and taking chances and risk are totally foriegn to me so that will take some thought and overcoming fear of failure and success.

I sort of knew this would be like going through the stages of grief but it was surprising to me how much it felt like grieving. Loosing my father in law and my dad were the closest people to me and this has been almost as difficult. I honestly don’t miss the work, I am more agitated that the decision was not mine to make. Not taking it personal is the hardest thing I have had to accept. It is almost like I need someone to blame, not an entitiy or circumstances or the economy. It is disconcerting to realize that you are totally replaceable.

I have also been on the other side of these circumstances. I have survived countless layoffs over all the years that I have worked so I am thankful that it came at time when it is not hardship and I can still pay my bills. In the end all will be provided for and that is not a worry so, my short term goal is to embrace the time off, do things I said I would do if I didn’t have to work and live life to the fullest!!

Peace Out!
Kool

Disappointments are a fact of life.  You will have them, everyone has them, everyone hates them.  So what do you do about them?  I am reminded of this watching my Granddaughter Katelynn, navigate her way through seemingly constant disappointments.  Everything from not getting the food she wanted to Nana and Gramps leaving, to being told no for good reasons.  Some of us can shake them off, learn from them and move forward.  Others, throw fits, get down on themselves and get stuck in rut.  Which of these are you?  Be honest.  I am throw a fit, hate the world and everyone in it kind.  At least I was most of my life.

Becoming an adult and having to do adult things really sucked, but I was determined to be self sufficient.  I had to learn how to deal the disappointments of life.  However, because I hated so much to be disappointed, it stopped me from doing things or pursuing things that I otherwise may have succeeded at.  When I finally got to the root of this it all came down to fear.  I was afraid of succeeding as much as failing maybe more so.

At least as a grandmother, I can hopefully help my grandchildren navigate this aspect of life better than I did, although Gramps is the best at it and he knows how to do that.  As for me, sadly Roller Derby taught me more about this than I was willing to learn through other experiences in life.  But, I am so very glad that I did figure it out and in the process found something that I am completely passionate about.  I love to put my knowledge and learning out there for others to learn from and to be a part of something that I never thought I would be.

To explain this, at the age of 5 I lost the hearing in my left ear.  I do not currently remember what it was like to hear with both ears, but I do know how much I do not hear give this handicap.  In school when I tried to play sports, I could not hear the players, coaches or anyone trying to give me instruction during the heat of the game.  The background noise would drown out any voices to the point that I only heard a bunch of garbled noise.  Needless to say, I did not do well at any sport I tried.  I was not be able to find a way to compensate for my hearing loss, and therefore I stopped trying to play sports.

This was also a time when girls were not encouraged to play competitive sports, unless it was tennis or something like that, so I had noone to encourage me to keep trying and find a way around the handicap.  So this became my excuse for not participating.  It was a difficult thing to deal with as a young child and as an adult. (Imagine large meetings and trying to hear everyone on the wrong side of me talk).

I did eventually learn to tell people about my hearing difficulty and unlike in schoool most are genuinely willing to accomodate this problem. I never realized that it could be this way. I was afraid of being ridiculed or made fun of or laughed at. The type of damage I have cannot be helped by hearing aids, so it was up to me to figure out how to best deal with this. I have learned much and I greatly appreciate the Refs in Roller Derby that make sure I see them when I have a penalty and are totally not judgemental. It is better to let someone know then to pretend. Remember you are always who you are and it is ok to be who you are!!

Lots of derby love and hip checks to all!