I guess I have been in a little bit of that river of denial, believing that I could be normal as I was before the diagnosis. When I would feel better I do more than I should at a faster pace than I should. It is what I was used to. I walked fast, talked fast, did things in a hurry and rarely slowed down as it would make me anxious to be non productive. Although, that was probably the definition of non productive that I had learned as a child growing up. Just sitting and relaxing and not jumping up every 5 minutes was a chore, just ask my husband, it drove him crazy.
I am slowly learning that it is ok to take my time doing things. I am also finding out that even when I SOB I can recover on my own. I stayed in the practice last night during hitting drills. The drill when I did it got me and I then had to be ready for hits coming to me. I stayed with it and was able to catch my breath eventually without passing out, lol. It was scary and hard but I did it.
Because I have been having issues the past week or so I was only able to 23 1/2 laps in 5 minutes. Plus I am totally blaming the new skates and wheels, I wasn’t near as comfortable on them as my old ones. They are still being broken in and it was only the second time I wore them. I got another chance on Thursday and got 24 laps. I stayed in the drills and even made a few good moves against the jammers.
My biggest problem is trying to figure out what triggers the blocking of my airways. Other than the obvious of cigarette smoke, pollen and perfumes, there are times that I get sob and cannot figure out what triggered it. Some days I wake up sob and others not as much. I take all my meds as instructed and yet some days can be bad.
After some more research, certain foods and drinks contain ingredients that can cause the airways to become constricted and therefore doesn’t allow me to receive enough air to keep my oxygen levels up. There is so much to learn and so much I don’t get or understand.
I have joined a Facebook support group that has a Dr on it giving us videos, explaining all the things and just learning how other people cope with the day to day struggles. I try to stay positive but every time I think I am close to staying well, I get Bronchitis again. I took a short trip to see family and came back sick and back on antibiotics and steroids. I don’t get to play roller derby in my game this weekend. I worked so hard at getting healthy and exercising and now I can barely stay on skates for longer than 3 to 4 weeks. My family had to see just how awful this is and it was disheartening and depressing. Every single thing in my life has changed and dealing with it is the hardest thing I have had to do.
We all take the fact that we can breathe for granted. Because of the constant cough, I am always thinking about breathing. Deep breathing, expelling as much air as possible and often as possible, preparing for activity, taking medication, eating healthy, pushing through the bad days. Giving up is not an option I just have to push past the disheartening effects that I have no control over and keep moving forward one step, on day at a time.
Here’s to more progress for the next post!
Love, Kool
Melody Kool's Blog 