Health, COPD

Winding Down

This post will be more about me than roller derby or family.  I am struggling with this new diagnosis, that has me reeling with questions, concerns and dealing with the symptoms. It is also the end of 2016 and time be reflective and self evaluating.

So Christmas is over and it was another super good day with family.  Leading up to Christmas I was feeling pretty good and more like myself.  I went out and shopped and did a bit of walking around.  I tire so much easier now.  It is so very frustrating.  I worked hard to get into good shape and it seems to just be disappearing.  I took the PFT test which was actually very hard and tiring in itself.  I have found out that being able to walk for 6 minutes and your oxygen level stay good is the goal for COPD in order to not have to be on oxygen. That was not hard that day.

By Christmas day I was having issues again.  Back to the rescue inhaler and unable to be really active.  I push myself because that is what I have been doing for the past six years.  My shortness of breath concerns my kids, my husband, everyone.  My new normal is learning how to catch my breath and slow down the panic I feel when I can’t breath.  There are several things and they have started to help me.  The cough though, that is debilitating when trying to bring up the junk in the lungs.  It can be so hard it makes my whole body hurt after.  I just want to not have to cough for longer than a few hours. 

Monday was a bad day.  I couldn’t do much of anything without feeling it.  It was a struggle just to do the laundry and put things away.  This is not the way I planned my future to be.  And I am not wanting to accept that it can’t be better.  I know I still have to discuss all the test results and plan the long term care but that won’t be until January 10. 

Until then I am stuck with not knowing what has caused this to flare back up and not sure how to handle the symptoms.  I just want to be able to compete in roller derby this next season.  I hope I am not being overly optimistic but exercise is suppose to be good, it just seems the more I move the more the symptoms come back.  Hopefully the Dr will have more answers for me.

My life has changed drastically in the past couple of months.  Dealing with that is increasingly difficult when I have 3-5 days feeling normal and then right back where I was before.  I have taken some positive steps and started grocery shopping and cooking again so I can eat better and feed my husband better food.  And I am working hard to stay positive and not let the depression overtake me.

This one is a bit of a downer but I have to work through this and hope that anyone reading can understand that.  This writing is part of my coping and analyzing myself and serves as a big part of self therapy.  Every day I choose to be happy whether I feel real good or not so good.

May God bless you and yours in this new year!!

Until next time…SMILE and LAUGH

Melody Kool

Roller Derby My New Life

Look Back Move Forward

Exactly one week ago today, I found out I have a health issue.  I have spent the last 6 years working hard at getting into shape, eating better, being healthier.  Ironically, I have been diagnosed with Emphysema.  I have more tests and scans and things to do in the month of December to clarify what that exactly means for me.  But, I have had to stop everything to focus on getting over a lung infection.  That, was the easy part because when you cannot breath, you do not move, you do not talk, you only do what is critically necessary.

The medication from the pulmonary specialist is working, I am feeling better, otherwise I wouldn’t be writing this lol.  However, I am now faced with a lot of other decisions and those are going to depend on what I can actually do.  I start back working out next week.  I am staying off skates awhile longer.  I have had at least 2 relapses over the last 5 months, but now I know what is going on.  Knowledge is my power, and I will accumulate as much as possible.

The looking back is what I did when I was young and stupid and thought I would live forever.  I smoked off and on for years.  I was brought up around second hand smoke for the better part of 12 years of my childhood.  There were no places where smoking was not permitted, in stores, in offices, in museums, on airplanes, anywhere was legal.  I do not blame this nor do I pretend that I did not contribute to it.   I knew better but didn’t change my ways until what was probably too late.  I am probably just more susceptible to this disease than others.  So, I accept my part in it, and now I find out what to do to minimize the issues and slow down the progression.  I have seen what it does and what it is like.  I am not looking forward to that, but a lot can happen between now and then.

When I started dong roller derby, I walked away from smoking completely, I couldn’t see how people could play and smoke.  But that was my choice and my dad wanted me to stop so badly that even though he was gone, I did it for him as well.

Moving forward, I plan to stay with derby as long as I can and learn NSO jobs and possible Ref jobs for when I can no longer compete.  Exercise is just as important for me now as it was before because the better shape I am in, the better quality of life I will have for longer.

I hope that maybe my experience and information here will help younger people make better decisions about their health than I did.  There will be more to come as I go on this new unplanned journey.

Life is fleeting and one day everyone will face their mortality as I am right now.

Until next time!! Hugs and Hip checks!!